Chaos in my soul

There's a famous quote by Nietzche saying, 

"You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." 

I've read that quote for a lot of years and today it popped into my head. I have a lot of chaos right now..it's more of my thoughts that don't seem to be landing anywhere and then I can't sleep so I thought maybe I should finally blog.

Over a year ago I was having a hard time getting pregnant, the feelings were intense and heartbreaking. Luckily something changed and right now I'm about to give birth to another baby girl. I'm blessed. I'm soooo beyond blessed. I get teary eyed just thinking about meeting another little soul any day and then I get more teary eyed thinking it's not going to be just Wren..then guilt hits, then worry, then the questioning, the feelings, then I start cleaning. 

I was telling Jason tonight that I love change but I'm afraid of it. I know things will be good it's just that first step, that first unknown and then that unknown becomes the new life and after awhile it's the norm. I want that norm right now. I've been offered another yoga job..with more responsibility and something that I've never dreamed I would get (more on this later..still working out the details and if I can even handle it) but still life keeps changing, growing, and I continue to be blessed.. but I just feel a little bit of a mess right now.

Tonight while I attempted to go to sleep. I laid next to Wren. She's a perfect little soul. When she's awake she's full of life. I've never met a 2 year old who has so much energy and so much heart like she does. My life is chaotic chasing after her, teaching yoga, trying to be a good mom, a good wife, being 9 months pregnant and being sane. 
Tonight while I was watching her sleep, I thought teaching yoga balances me, brings me back to me, while my family is my heart, they keep me grounded, they are my everything. Then that's the moment that quote popped into my head. I may have chaos and lack of sleep right now, but I'm blessed and through the stress, the unknown and change something amazing will happen. 
Maybe its actually being able to balance this new job with a toddler, baby and hubby, maybe it's the moment Wren will meet her baby sister, maybe it will be me stop questioning myself and being so afraid of change and the chaos. 
I just need to let things be and maybe try to go back to sleep. 

September

It's the end of September and where did the summer go? I'm not sure if I'm ready for it to be over, but the colder air makes me excited for the leaves changing, warmer clothes, and holidays coming up. I haven't been blogging much either.. haven't been really motivated, maybe too tired and our days have been busy.. busy swimming, going on walks, hiking, going to California, Wyoming, working, spending time with family, but there are those days where it was too hot to go outside or we were just too lazy to do anything and we've enjoyed things to be more simple. 

Watching the lighting outside our window, going on night runs, spending time at home watching our toddler learn and explore. 

Wren's personality is coming out more and more each day and she cracks me up. The facial looks, the things she's trying to say, becoming more stubborn, more sweet, more dramatic... and I love it. She keeps me busy these days and I do have those moments. Those moments where I'm exhausted and lose patience.. mostly with myself because I expect that I should have it together, that I should get out of my yoga clothes, I should have dinner ready, etc. A lot of the times I say to myself practice what you preach.. in yoga I tell my students everyday to let go of the expectation that we have for ourselves and be a little more content. Most days I am okay with the mess, with the chaos, with me because I've got this little one making me live in the moment and I'm eating it up along with her.. but I find those moments where I feel like I could be a better mom, a better wife, do more, be more, etc. 

Every fall in my classes I focus on a fall detox which I mentioned here a few years ago, simple steps to get ourselves ready mentally and physically for the winter months. Reading up on the detox, I found this quote saying, "At the junction between the heat of summer and the cold of winter, you have a real opportunity to let go of bad habits and embrace healthier ones. Only then can you have space to establish the good habits you need to create the kind of health and vibrancy you want for your life." I love that quote and its such a good reminder for me, especially now when I want to be a positive person for Wren. We all have our moments and are hard on ourselves but it's a good reminder to start getting rid of the negativity and embrace being more positive.. being more content. 

It's a work in progress but until I've reached my goals.. I've got this pretty face and these blue eyes to keep me busy and to keep me smiling.

Happy September

Fall Detox

Big Cottonwood-last Autumn

Fall detox which I found in Yoga Journal is all that I've been talking about to my yoga classes. I've been loving it and have been sharing this to my students, my family, friends & now you guys. I was talking to another instructor about how we make resolutions on January 1st, which is smack in the winter and no wonder we go to the gym for the 2 weeks after to lose that 10 pounds and then after awhile we tend to find ourselves inside more and less at the gym. It's normal to do that because our body goes inward in the winter. Which is why we gotta detox our body now and get rid of toxins and start strengthening our immunity. Lets make our goals now before winter comes.


The detox includes: 
Simplified diet: start to let go of things that you don't need, be mindful of what you put in your body. We all need to nourish our body with healthful, cleansing foods. This also includes herbs, drinking tea.
Cleansing yoga: go to a yoga class and do it often, come to me if you don't want to pay for a class..I'm happy to teach my friends some detox moves or go here for at home practice
Meditation & Pranayama (breath control): spend a few minutes a day and notice your breath, notice your thoughts and let go of things that you cannot control in you life. Write in a journal, self study what you are going through at this moment. Start to slow down and reducing any stress that you are dealing with.


Part of this detox is not only to strengthen our immunity for the winter months, but to restore our body, to release stress and to clear our mind. In the article it says, "At the junction between the heat of summer and the cold of winter, you have a real opportunity to let go of bad habits and embrace healthier ones." it goes on saying, "Only then can you have space to establish the good habits you need to create the kind of health and vibrancy you want for your life."


The reason why this hit home to me so much is that our lives are so busy all the time, we get tired, we get stressed and it is good to know that eating mindfully, doing twisting yoga positions and watching our breath and thoughts really reduce anxiety and stress in our lives. When our lives have been crazy in the summer it's time to slow down and be mindful. One of my favorite quotes in the article says, "I look at autumn as a transition into a new year, I look at nature: The harvest is over, and it's time to clear out. It's an opportunity to till the soil and plant the seeds for next year's harvest. Once we do this for ourselves, we can recommit to what is working for us and set ourselves up to get more of what nourishes us in our lives."


Hopefully you will all think about this detox or just do something for yourself every single day. Letting go of any crazy things we are going through. Have a happy detox. 


Happy Sunday.

Downdog

My University classes started today and in honor of the foundation of all foundation poses I give you Downward Facing Dog. This position you will see in every yoga class. It's the foundation for oh sooo many positions. One that has taken me a few times to feel completely at home in and now I love this pose every time I'm in it. It works many muscles..your triceps, biceps, strengthens your shoulders, back, hamstrings, calves, etc. I could go on about Downward Facing Dog. It's an amazing pose that we should all be acquainted..go ahead and try it.

Yoga Pose of the Day

With so much going on right now, it's hard not to get completely overwhelmed. I find myself pushing myself to reach goals & to still try to enjoy this Spring weather. I know when I get a little stressed & my head is pounding I resort to this position that cousin gorgeous Kerry is practicing called Legs Up the Wall. It's considered to be one of the most relaxing positions. It helps release stress & anxiety. If you have a headache, backache or just need a position that calms your mind...this is one way of helping you. Today seems like a perfect day to practice this & hopefully you all will get some time in & practice this. Ps you can also place folded blankets under your hips to relax you a bit more. Happy Sunday

Self

Today I spent the whole day at yoga training...I'll be doing this for the next 3 blissful days. I'll leave you with a quote from a great yogi..I'll be learning a lot from this man.

Happy weekend to you all.

"Normally, you can't see the true Self because your mind is colored. If the mind has a lot of waves like the surface of a lake, you will be seeing a distorted reflection...To see the true reflection, see that the water is clean and calm and without any ripples. When the mind ceases to create though forms..., it becomes as clear as a still lake and you see your true Self." Satchidananda

Yogalove

For those of you who know me but had forgotten or for those who accidentally got linked here from Marta's blog may know that I teach yoga. I was lucky enough to fall head over heels in love with yoga and had enough guts to teach it. For the past 3 years this summer I've been teaching at the University where I meet so many different students and have learned so much about myself. I'm training through YogaFit which is close to my heart and will finally achieve my 200 RYT in May yahoooo!!! With another training coming up this month and teaching 12 to 15 classes a week lately I've been a little burned out...for the first time I felt that teaching yoga was just a job which I was grateful for every single day but I had felt a sense of lost within myself. Don't get me wrong after I wake up and get to class I get reminded of how much I love teaching yoga. Don't you feel even if you are loving your work, life, school whatever it is sometimes you just need a little recharge?

Today after my tomatillo disaster I sat down and was reading The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. I was reading about the 8 Limbs of Yoga which I've read a million times but something just clicked..that little recharged button went off and a sense of life came rushing back..a million positive happy thoughts came pouring in, ideas, stories, positions, letting go of that expectation for myself had left me feeling...happy. People from all over the world practice yoga. We are all different from one another, look different, feel different in every position, but have the same goal by trying to better ourselves and to listen to ourselves.

With high demand by my sister Abby I feel that I should talk more about yoga here. I want to post more positions of the day, pictures like the one above of Jason and I taken oh so long ago or concepts, stories about yoga...helping me practice, helping me be more aware, more focused and hopefully will bring some insight to your day. Maybe the stories will touch you like they've touched myself and so many others, maybe you'll do the position of the day, go to a yoga class or maybe you'll just sit down, take a few deep breaths and take time for yourself. Hopefully something positive will happen. Happy practicing.

"Now the exposition of Yoga is being made..." "Without practice, nothing can be achieved."

yoga

"In each pose there should be repose"

-B.K.S Iyengar

I love teaching yoga, every time I teach I am in a better mood, it challenges me, it lets me be aware of myself, lets me be human, we aren't perfect and I'm okay with that. One of the best things about teaching up at the University is when I look up at my students and see everyone doing their own version of a pose. Its a much appreciated view coming from a instructor who has her own insercurities. It makes my day so much better.

Yoga Job

Finally finals are done and now I'm waiting for a new chapter to begin on May 13. I am lucky enough to have gotten a yoga position instructing for the University of Utah. I know I can hardly believe it, but I'm so excited and extremely scared at the same time. I teach every Tuesday and Thursday at 6-6:50 pm at the Sandy Campus so it works out great. I am just hoping that I'll be a good teacher and be able to help my students. So if any of you want some yoga, just let me know I'm happy to teach you guys.

Yoga

This past weekend I did my two day yoga teacher training. I'm really happy that its actually over even though it was a lot of fun. It was pretty challenging, but now I have to just do 8 hours of community teaching and I'll get my level 1 certicate. So if anyone needs a free yoga teacher..let me know. I need the practice.